Self-Improvement

Shark Attack

by Life Me, Michelle.

Oh my goodness!

Does anyone know Mick Fanning’s blood type? Because his escape from that shark attack at the J-Bay Surf League Championship competition the other day was either pure miracle or he is certified half-human and half-beast! What a moment! Needless to say, for Mick’s sake, I am happy he survived; however, for the sake of everyone watching live, I am happy that we did not have to witness a tragedy.

After watching this near-death encounter, I started lecturing surfers everywhere… in my head of course. “If you know there are sharks in the ocean, why go out into the deep blue sea to dangle your little feet out there as bait? Is riding a wave really worth your life? Did the World Surf League even check to see if there were sharks in those waters? I would sue! This is exactly why I don’t go messing with sharks! If there is no boat to shield me from shark snack time gone wrong, then I am all set right here on the shore. Why play with danger? If you are silly enough to go out there, then you…”

Yes, for a split second I almost ignorantly suggested that someone deserved to get a limb chomped off because they were adventurous enough to live out a dream. Well, after doing my research I discovered that there is only a 1 in 4,000,000 chance of being killed by a shark. Mick was living his life and chasing his dream in the face of a low probability fear. Yet, there I was cowardly lecturing all surfers when I should have been asking myself about the low probability fears I have yet to conquer in my own life. At that point, I decided that I could probably learn a thing or two from Mr. Mick Fanning.

First off, Mick survived by only doing one thing correctly. The media headlines say, Mick Fanning “Battles Shark” and “Bravely Fights Off” attack. From the looks of it, Mick was terrified and did what any of us would do– scream, kick, and swim away for dear life! Overall, he did exactly what the surviving-a-shark-attack experts say NOT to do. He panicked. He turned his back to it. He tried to out swim it. The only thing that he did correctly was to hit the shark in an attempt to scare it away!  This is a great lesson because this means that (1) we don’t have to be perfect in order to win and (2) we don’t have to look perfect (or pretend to look perfect) while fighting the sharks of life. It is unrealistic to think that we will not break a sweat in the midst of a challenging battle. We are human and great human warriors sweat too. If you don’t believe me, then watch the movie 300.

Early on in life, I thought that defeating a challenge meant destroying it completely. If I was too weak to stand there, fight, and destroy it like David did Goliath, I would be disappointed with myself up for seeming weak. On the other hand, if I destroyed the challenge, but did it with a scary-cat panicked demeanor, I would also downplay the accomplishment. Mick teaches us that escaping and surviving doesn’t always need to be pretty and heroic; it just needs to be practical. In life there are sharks– plenty of them– and I am sure that (for the most part) in the end it doesn’t matter how we look when we are fighting them off. We just need to get the heck out of danger and keep living! Survival is not always pretty, perfect, and heroic; sometimes it is panicked and hectic, and that’s OK.

Secondly, thank God for adrenaline! Seriously. I don’t think that anyone would have anticipated this shark attack at the J-Bay Competition, but it happened unexpectedly anyway. When I think about life, I see similar situations happening to people all time. You are sitting there enjoying life, living a dream, accomplishing a goal, working hard to win, and then BOOM! A shark, or in our case, people and circumstances come to take a bite out of that body! Usually, this concept discourages me: I am on a mission to do good and then sharks try to destroy me! It is even more devastating when the human shark monsters attack you intentionally. What I admire most about Mick is that he fought back even though he was terrified! I can imagine that he saw his life flash right before his eyes. Ultimately, Mick decided that survival was more likely if he kept moving! Hitting the shark with force gave him enough time to get away– and that was all he needed. In the end it worked and he survived.

What is wrong with just “dodging the bullet?” What is wrong with simply escaping the shark attack? Surviving is just as courageous! At least you are alive to tell your story! Are there life-sharks seemingly appearing out of nowhere ready to eat you alive? Are you dealing with the unexpected and feel like it might be the end of you? Well, as in the case of Mick Fanning, KEEP MOVING; and if you are frightened, panicked, and everything in between, still keep moving! Remember, escaping and surviving doesn’t always need to be pretty and heroic, it just needs to be practical. You just might survive. Correction: You will survive!

Whatever you do, just don’t let the sharks take you under!

Photo Credit: CNN News courtesy of WSL

Have a Life Question or Need Perspective? Ask me: http://wp.me/P31EeG-hg

Follow The Life Me Blog on Facebook and Twitter

Daddy, I Am NOT Eating That!

by Life Me, Michelle.

It is important to pay attention to the world around us and keep a close eye out for the clues and crumbs that lead us to an understanding of how to better navigate the world. I love a good life lesson. That’s what this blog is all about! However, as I live life, I am learning that a great life lesson is not always learned the hard way or even through great struggle. Sometimes, life lessons are found in the silver linings, the fumbles, and even the humorous. It’s fun to find lessons in odd places because it keeps us laughing, positive, and optimistic. I learned two valuable life lessons when my father was tasked with making me and my brother a sandwich when I was around 9 or 10 years old.

Ok, so my father is literally the most innovative and ingenious person I know. This guy can fix anything, with anything, in any place. The most amazing part about it is that he does not have any sort of formal engineering degree but can still solve a problem like no one I have every encountered. The end product may not always look beautiful, but it is functional and normally working again. The man is a genius and can solve mostly any problem he has ever been presented with except this one small task my mother left for him to do– to make my brother and I a sandwich!

It was a Saturday and my mother had gone to work for the day. One of my brothers and I were going to be the only kids in the house for the day. My mother didn’t have time to make food in advance like she normally does, so she asked my Dad to make us a sandwich for lunch. Now it is important to note that my parents mostly ate home-cooked food and rarely ate out when I was younger. My mom would branch out and experiment, but my Dad… well let’s just say he liked what he liked and American deli sandwiches were not high on his list back then!

I waltzed down into the kitchen for the yummy sandwich that I had complete faith my Daddy dearest was capable of making. He is generally a good cook, so I was pretty excited. Upon entering the kitchen, the four slices of bread were already neatly assembled on the kitchen table– two for me and two for my brother. So, he began to make the sandwich. Peanut butter… jelly… cheese…

Me (in shock and horror): “Daddy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Slightly annoyed and startled, he replies, “What do you mean? I am making you a sandwich?”

Me: “Daddy, NO. That’s disgusting. You can’t put cheese with peanut butter and jelly! I am NOT eating that.”

To my shock, he was not done with his master sandwich! To the peanut butter, jelly, and cheese, he added lettuce and deli meat! (I am sure I am leaving out at least one ingredient. Nonetheless, all I know is that the ingredients he assembled were sure to break some kind of record for nastiest sandwich). So, the debating began…

Me: “Daddy, that’s disgusting! Are you serious right now?”

Dad: “What do you mean? You guys eat this stuff all the time! Doesn’t Mommy put this in the sandwich all the time?” he yelled.

Me: “Yes, but not all at the same time Daddy!”

Dad: “Well, whatever! It is all going to the same place anyway! You either eat it or not. I am not making another sandwich!”

In the hopes that my father would understand the difference between sandwich contents, I called my brother down who is 3 years old than me. Well, he too was shocked and tried to talk some sense into the sandwich slaughterer, but it didn’t work. He was convinced his sandwich was gourmet and we were certain it was certified gross! In the end we didn’t eat it. I munched on a few snacks until my mother came home to rescue us from the nastiest sandwich any human had ventured to assemble! I cannot stop laughing every time I think about this story because my father is truly hilarious for this one. And trust me, I remind him of it every time I remember it.

Lesson 1: Do not be so quick to copy some one’s actions or life choices if you don’t know all the details of how they arrived there (and the consequences they endured getting there). Do you know my father’s reason for making this disgusting sandwich? He said he saw my mother use those ingredients all the time when she was making sandwiches for us! Are you kidding me? Well Daddy, you needed to pay closer attention buddy because she clearly never put those ingredients together at the same time in one sandwich! But isn’t his mistake much like ones we often make in life? We see other people’s success or we watch what they have achieved; then we just try to duplicate it without first doing our research to see how they got there in the first place. Do we know the details of their journey or are we blindly imitating them in the hopes of creating a masterful sandwich? Exactly. Then we are surprised when no one wants to eat our sandwiches. Sorry Dad, epic fail. Do your research before you start trying to blindly copy Mommy– the master cook of the house.

Lesson 2: Don’t allow ANYONE to make you physically, emotionally, or mentally ill– even if they are your dearest friend or family. There was no way on earth that I was going to eat that sandwich at that time. If I was on Fear Factor and it stood between me and $1,000,000, then gobble, gobble, gobble! However to eat it at home after I dreamed of a yummy sandwich all morning, absolutely NOT. I figured out a plan B and waited until my mommy came home. That sandwich would have made me vomit; and in the not vomiting versus not making my Dad feel bad about his epic fail of a sandwich game, I chose to not make myself sick. I love my Dad very much. He is one of my favorite people on the planet, but there was no way I was going to make myself sick just because he’s my Dad and I love him. Are you allowing someone you love (family, friends, acquaintances) to make you physically, emotionally, and mentally sick in the name of love, kindness, friendship, etc? We are little good to ourselves and those we love, if we are not at our best. I am sorry, but being emotionally and mentally sick because we keep eating crap (figuratively) from other people is ridiculous, not to mention poisonous. It is important to recognize that some times people are not intentionally trying to hurt us, but ultimately they are. It is our job to know our self, know our limit(s)– and with the help of God– know what’s best for us. That nasty sandwich was my limit. God bless my Dad’s heart, and I know he wasn’t intentionally trying to make me sick, but I would still not eat that sandwich.

Life is not always this big bad wolf that wants to blow our little house down. It wants to laugh with us, dance with us, and show us that life is all about growth, love, learning, and laughter. All there is for us to do is keep our eyes opened for sandwich slaughterers like my Dad trying to feed us the yuckiest food on the planet. Keep your eyes open, your heart receptive, and remember, DON’T EAT IT!

The Conundrum: Being Strong

by Life Me, Michelle.

After breaking my silence about a personal life event, I know there are a lot of people that suddenly have a lot of questions. My original post was intended to shed more light on an issue in our society than a whirlwind of questions about me. However, I accept the questions and curiosity as a part of the journey. In the initial aftermath, I noticed that there was one reoccurring message among conversations with people that personally know me– they have always viewed me as strong and smart. It is so sweet and wonderful for so many people to say this. To be honest it is oddly reassuring, yet in it also lies one of the descriptors that has caused unnecessary emotional turmoil throughout my life– STRONG. I have always aspired to be a women of great strength so I am happy that this trait is visible to others. However, for a long time my desire to be “strong” caused me great distress because I had no clue about what “being strong” really meant in practice. In my opinion, being strong and feeling strong are two different things and there is no great lesson in school that teaches us the differences between the two. For me, it is something I had to figure out over time.

Somehow I developed the misconception that being strong and smart meant that I always had to feel and act strong and smart. I had this idea that I couldn’t let people see my greatest weaknesses or else they might question my strength. In reality I was probably more terrified that if I acknowledged those weaknesses to myself it would disapprove what I believed about myself– I am strong. So when people kept saying how strong and smart they always viewed me to be, I started to wonder if this somehow meant they no longer believed it as much as they once did. The old way of thinking tried to sneak its little way back into my mind. After the comments, concerns, shock, and testimonies started rolling in, I started worrying about how this news would affect people’s image of me as a person. Would they think that the strength, drive, smile, laughs, ambition, and positivity we shared was all a lie? I mean, I worked so hard to overcome this adversity and serve as an inspiration for others so the last thing that I want is for people to treat me differently or question the many good times and happy days that we shared together. Yes, this little mind of mine was trying to test me! But, rest assured everyone; I passed the test in the end. Of course, without a doubt I know I am strong. How could I have overcome this secret adversity if I wasn’t? Yes, I may have scars, but I am still me.

In our society, people look up to the “strong.” Every Marvel comic superhero has his/her weakness, yet even though they often come close to demise in every movie, we still wish we could take a special daily multi-vitamin to gain some of their superpowers. We admire people that seem to endure adversity and subsequently emerge as victors. Well, as a young girl I had no clue about the complexities of strength, of how I even attained that label, or how to understand what it really internally feels like in a complicated world. Before the assault, I was strong. So after the assault, and when I felt I was over it (if that is ever really possible), I felt that I needed to continue being what I knew myself to be– strong. I thought feeling strong meant feeling confident, powerful, and happy. So, in my mind it should work in reverse order– being strong must mean being confident, being happy, and being powerful. Clearly, it takes more than a few years of life to develop confidence, happiness, and unwavering strength, yet I was certain that when I was not doing these things or feeling like this, I was not strong.

While my secret was significant and traumatic, I had a life, dreams, and other issues outside of it that I wanted to focus on as much as I could. In my adolescent ignorance, and in the face of a world that seems to enjoy playing dodgeball with human life, I set out to (1) feel, look, and embody my strength and (2) to fulfill my dreams. WHAM! Doubt. WHAM! Insecurity. WHAM! Failure. Mistakes. Fear. Acceptance. WHAM! WHAM! Loss. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! Ball after ball, life was starting to put my strength to the test and I felt that the whole world was watching to see how strong I really was. In reality everyone was probably worried about their own issues, but I told myself that letting other people see my pain would mean that I wasn’t strong. Where did I even come up with this crap? It is kind of funny; we really believe some warped ideas at times. Think about it. When an elite athlete is interviewed on TV immediately after a game, are they not breathing pretty hard? Aren’t they usually tired, sore, and possibly on the brink of exhaustion? Exactly! So, why would I ever think that exhaustion signaled the lack of strength?  This is real strength, not the silly mentally I had. Strength says, “I ran the race and finished. I tripped, fell, am tired, and sore, but I did not and will not give up. I will be back.”

After living life a little more, one the greatest discoveries I made was to realize and understand true strength through the lens of fitness and sports. In my athletic heyday, I could lift a pretty hefty amount of weight in the weight room. I was a young female athlete on a mission to sprint faster and run longer. I was am proud of my strength at that time. But I have to tell you, I was usually physically sore most of the time during the season! Eventually, I accepted soreness as a necessary component of building strength and after a while I got used to it. It was natural. “No pain, no gain,” right?  Overtime, I was less sore and very strong. In the beginning, I would say to myself, “Get it together girl. You are stronger than this. You are supposed to be strong.” In the end, I began to understand that I am “not stronger than this” but rather “I am strong because of this.” In my mind feeling strong once meant feeling confident, happy, and powerful. Well, on the journey to building strength one does not often feel confident and happy about difficult training and subsequent soreness. I finally started to see that strength is more a behavior than it is a feeling. From that point on, I learned to stop questioning my strength whenever I discovered another area of weakness. I was as strong as I believed I was and as strong as everyone says I am. Looking at strength this way has given me freedom in times when the weight of trauma, loss, failure, and disappointment are at an all time high. I was free to show the world that my physical and emotional “soreness” by no means was a sign of weakness, rather a sign of great strength.

In the end, I began to understand that I am “not stronger than this” but rather “I am strong because of this.” […] I finally started to see that strength is more a behavior than it is a feeling.

In most areas of success, business, or fitness, it is imperative to analyze areas of weakness in order to make the necessary adjustments to improve performance. It is no different for “strong” people. Anyone who is willing to reflective, notice their weaknesses, and take action toward improving themselves is strong. Strength is never an indication that a person is not carrying a heavy weight; it just means that they are choosing to never let it overtake them. Everyone displays emotions differently and everyone deals with things differently. If someone who is viewed as “strong” displays their emotions in a different way, it in no way indicates that their hurt is easier, lighter, or their character stronger or better. It just means that everyone is different and yet everyone is the same– human.

Strength is never an indication that a person is not carrying a heavy weight; it just means that they are choosing to never let it overtake them.

As we weave through the characters and complex world around us, remember that everyone has a story. They may never tell you the story or act it out before you eyes, but that doesn’t mean that their pages are not filled with complicated stories like everyone else. Never think that a “strong” person has never experienced great emotional challenges. Most likely, it is their journey through those challenges that makes them who they are! Chances are you are one heck of a strong person too; maybe even more than you know. And yes, life will play dodgeball against you too! Listen, you grab life by the balls and start fighting back with all you’ve got! You might feel a WHAM or a dozen along the way, but that’s OK. When you take the hit, you regroup and knock those challenges right back on its _ _ _ ( ← clue: another word for butt)! What? Strong people don’t swear… 😉

Untangle Yourself.

by Life Me, Michelle.

Slaves to the mind, trapped back in time

Freedom seems to be confused with nickels and dimes

Success nothing more than a borrowed image

Satiated by perverted perspectives

Chained to rusty bars of mental prisons

Fighting for the chance to realize destiny

While clothed in costumes of hijacked dreams

Stolen language, borrowed frames

Walking in circles waiting for answers

Convinced that conquering the world will reveal it

Yet there’s still no dirt on the bottom of your shoe

And the real you still stands hidden inside of you

If you ever stopped to take an inventory of your thoughts, frustrations, goals, and priorities, you will often find that they have become wildly webbed with borrowed pieces of other people’s goals, fears, and thoughts. Sometimes those borrowed pieces are beneficial and help us push toward finding our true self. Other times, however, those borrowed pieces weigh us down in knotted webs that seem to make finding our true self more stressful than just living out other people’s dreams and expectations for us.

However, it is necessary to determine how entangled you are with the images, goals, fears, and expectations of others. On that journey of disentanglement, you will find happiness, freedom, and purpose in life. Until you make the first steps to untangle yourself, you will always have the weight of the skeleton of the real you pulling you under water. It may not seem like it at first, but once you bring that skeleton to life — by accepting and embodying who you were created to be– you will feel lighter, happier, and less like you are constantly drowning in a world that seems to enjoy pushing you under water.

Photo Credit: https://flic.kr/p/bsszvi

Ask Me: http://wp.me/P31EeG-hg

10 Lessons I Have Learned in the Past Hectic Month

by Life Me, Michelle.

1. Praying for strength might mean I have to experience life puzzles that require me to exercise/expose my weakness in order to gain and maintain “strength.”

2. Be less afraid of standing my ground and fighting (figuratively).

3. Accept that opposition is inevitable and necessary; and then learn how to prepare to win.

4. Being healthy is more important than being Instagram “sexy” Although, being healthy usually makes me feel Instagram sexy and happy. So, win-win!

5. Yes, sometimes blessings come in small things, but other times they come hidden within challenging times and hard work.

6. Be more patient and have more faith, especially in times when the outcome is unknown.

7. Sometimes success cannot be achieved in anonymity.

8. Care less about what people think about me, and then care even less.

9. Count the moments instead of counting the years.

10. Life is not short, maybe we are just wasting time.

What are some life lessons you have recently learned? Share your nuggets of wisdom!

Life Question: Why Do We Complain So Much?

by Life Me, Michelle.

Why do we complain so much? Are we really that unhappy or void of positivity? Or is life really that bad?

Ah, this question really takes the cake. As one who has a moderate level of the secret complainers gene, I should probably have a more introspective answer to this question. I do not openly complain when I am in a situation where I feel that people will not be able to relate to my frustrations, but in my mind is another story. I mean really, who wants to come off like a negative person? Not me; society hates that. Nonetheless, I mostly find myself complaining about work and my frustrations with it, and since work consumes so much of my time (part of what I complain about) I find myself constantly trying to kick myself in the brain. “I am so sick of…” Wait, at least you have a job. “They are so incompetent.” Wait, be nice. “I am just always tired and I never have enough time [or money] to…” Stop it. Go to bed earlier and hush because someone has it far worse.This all happens in my mind, and occasionally (or very often, sorry love) to my darling who I know will listen to my non-sense. Truthfully, I do not have much to complain about; I have a happy life with great friends and loved ones to spend it with.

But what is it that makes our minds drift away to negativity land when we are often surrounded by more pros than cons? I don’t know, but I have some clues about the factors that might play a role. Here are some questions to consider if you are a complainer:

Are you unhappy with yourself and where you are in life but are too afraid to change it?

Do you just want attention?

Are you just complaining because it’s your way of fitting in?

Are you subconsciously reaching out for help and advice?

Do you feel you have to complain because “some things are just too good to be true?”

Do you complain because you don’t want people to dislike you and say/think things like “you are always happy”, “your life is so perfect,” or “you think are better than me” (which is nothing more than projection of their issues onto you)?

Are you scapegoating? Are you the problem but are too weak to admit it and instead complain about everyone else?

Or finally, is it really that bad and it is time for you to change the situation?

As I write this post I am thinking, “uggghh, I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow because…” So you see, I am a work in progress too.

Most of us complain at some point or another, but I have noticed a major difference between those that complain and those that rarely ever do– locus of control. Locus of control deals with the degree to which a person feels they have control over the events in their life. A person with an internal locus of control believes that they are the greatest controlling factor over their life’s results and a person with an external locus of control believes that outside forces are responsible for the outcomes of their life. Those who complain more have an external locus of control and take less responsibility for the power and control they have to change the situation. Which one are you? Usually for me, I find that I complain more when I am allowing fear, doubt, or the security of familiarity and comfort zones to dominate my better judgement and my faith. In those instances, it is easier to complain about the situation and people than to do the hard work or make the difficult decision to change what I am complaining about. It might be a relationship, job, politics, social norm, or the weather, but how much you complain reveals whether you are taking control of your own happiness.

Try to start minimizing how much you intentionally or unintentionally complain. It may take small steps, but it is time to conquer the beast. Oh, and complaining about the weather counts; so stop it.

What do you think? Why do we complain so much?

 

In Their Eyes

by Life Me, Michelle.

We look. We judge.

Most of the time, this is usually what happens: we observe another person’s behavior(s) over a period of time, or at times instantaneously, and make judgements about their character and their personality. It seems like the normal thing to do. Why not? Like momma, granddad, every talk show on TV, and probably even the Pope has said, “actions speak louder than words.” If this statement is true, then why should we not use someone’s actions to judge them? Fact: Reading someone’s behaviors can inform us of when to run, stay, love, engage, isolate, trust, disbelieve, fight, and break away.  So when “actions” don’t line up with “words,” we immediately know that something is off, not right, or troublesome.

Actions tell the truth where sometimes words tell a tale, and in most situations, action-based judgements yield an accurate picture of the truth. However, no matter how much we observe and judge someone, we should not make the mistake of assuming we have figured them out. To figure them out would require us to understand all their experiences, how they interpreted those experiences, and how their perception of the world has been molded by those experiences. We may know a person’s behavior, but it takes much more to know their heart, their struggle, their pain. In their eyes may lie images of violence, loss, pain, hurt, trauma, deception, or even joy, happiness, love, and success. Where you see hope, they may see loss; where you see happiness, they may see hopelessness; where they see negativity, you may see positive possibilities. You probably just don’t know what they “see” and it’s probably none of your business.

I can continue saying “you” and “they,” but the truth is we have all been there. At one time or another, we have all had the feeling that someone “doesn’t understand” or that “they just have no idea” how we feel or what we are dealing with behind a smile, a frown, a laugh, or even silence. Truth is we may never completely understand why someone behaves the way they do, nor will we always understand what others really think and feel. There is always more to the story — more layers, more levels, more left lingering. People are intriguing and when I think about other people, I always wonder what’s in their eyes. What past images and experiences have contributed to their view of the world? What do they see in themselves when they look in the mirror? What have they experienced throughout their life that has brought them joy, but also disappointment? What did they have to overcome? And then I wonder, how alike and similar are we to those we judge and condemn? Or in some cases, how much worse are we than those we judge?

Should we judge? Yes. Sometimes judgements keep us out of trouble, away from danger, and free from the wrong people and poor decisions. I am not disregarding the kind of necessary judgement we need to discern when to escape dangerous, harmful, hurtful people and situations. In this case I am talking about the voluntary judgements we make about other people because we are really unhappy, bored, jealous, or insecure with ourselves. The next question is, why do we feel compelled to unnecessarily judge other people? What is it about our society that makes us more willing to point the finger than to see someone else succeed? Why will miserable people do everything in their power to sabotage everyone’s happiness? In the world of social media, why do people feel like they can sit behind a computer and completely degrade and torture people with their negativity? Why do we put celebrities on a pedestal just to pick them apart piece by piece as if their status or salary no longer makes them human? Who gave us the power to be the judge and jury when it comes to other people’s lives?

I have no answers, only empathy for those that we unnecessarily judge and powerlessly condemn. I don’t know when the human judging instinct turned into an emotional cannibalism. What I do know is this– even if we talk to a person regularly and observe his/her behavior on many different occasion, we might still never be able to see what’s in their eyes.

Another Year

by Life Me, Michelle.

Every year I get older, every time a new year rolls around, it reminds me that I have less time to waste and less reasons to not pursue those seemingly out of reach goals that appear as only small dreams. I have grown, but have I grown more fearless? – Time will tell. What about you guys?

What will you pursue in 2015 that you have been hoping to do for a while? What dreams are you already making come true?