Relationships

Understanding Your Relationship Timeline

by Life Me.

If you have ever been in a relationship, I can almost guarantee you have either thought about your relationship timeline or someone has asked you about it. If you are in a relationship (especially in your late 20s and above) or have been dating someone for three or more years, people seem to ask the same basic questions:

  • “How long have you two been dating?”
  • “When are you planning to get engaged? Have you talked about it?”
  • “When are you planning to get married?” 
  • “When are you planning to have kids?”
  • And then after having one child, “When are you planning on having more?”

These are normal questions to be curious about, especially if you are excited for the other person. I’m sure as annoying as these questions can be, we have been guilty of asking our friends and family them at some point in time.

I don’t have a problem with the questions. I have a problem when the person asking begins to place their judgment on the answers and proceeds to interrogation. When this has happened to me, it ultimately left me feeling like I needed to defend my timeline or the strength of my relationship.

I have a public service announcement: There is no one-size-fits-all relationship timeline.

Why? Because we are all on our own unique life path.

For many reasons, our society has communicated certain relationship timelines and expectations to us. We often think we know how another person should live their life. However, most times, we barely even know how to live ours. Yes, there are universal truths, wisdom, and lessons we should pay attention to but what works for one person does not always work for someone else. We need to respect that.

If you are in a great relationship, do not allow yourself to be swayed by other people’s opinions of your relationship timelines. You can be in a strong relationship and have different timelines for different reasons. And, that’s OK!

People have different timelines for a variety of reasons. Some people have values and beliefs about marriage due to personal or spiritual reasons. Sometimes people are in positions where they cannot have children or want to have certain structures in place before they do.

As I talk to friends about relationships, I find myself living by and sharing the same piece of advice: “The best thing you can do for your relationship is to stop comparing the relationship and timelines to other couples.” 

With that said, do not use this statement as an excuse or justification for staying in a poor relationship! Every couple’s relationship dynamic and timeline may be different, but love is identifiable and distinguishable. Disrespect, cheating, abuse, degradation, and selfishness are not characteristics of love. While you should not compare your relationship to others, you should look to great relationships for positive traits of love.

If you have found a great life partner, which requires more than chemistry, chances are you are destined to have a wonderful life together. When you chase another couples’ relationship timeline, you might experience issues in yours because that road is not meant for you. You are missing out on the many blessings on your unique road because you are too busy traveling on another couple’s path. 

Many years ago, a few couples I adored and knew closely went through a divorce. Everyone I knew LOVED these people together. We were shocked by the news because we thought they had it all. On the outside, they were the perfect couple, or so we thought. Feeling confused, it was at that moment that I decided to learn from their successes and failures but to always do what works best for my relationship.

I am not a relationship expert, but I know that having a successful relationship requires more than checking off a list—engagement, marriage, babies, house, and more. Instead of comparing your relationship to others, keep doing the real work necessary to make any relationship last.

  • Keep working on your mental/emotional readiness, finances, health, and career.
  • Do the healing work from your past so it doesn’t prevent you from giving and receiving powerful love.

Remember, a strong relationship that is built to last takes time to build.

Compromise and Chemistry in Relationships

by Life Me. 
In Part I of this series, I explored the topic of racial equality. For Part II, we talked about another area of life: personal success. In this final post of the series, we are going to explore whether there is room for everyone in love by exploring compromise and chemistry in relationships.

CHEMISTRY in relationships

Organic chemistry: What everyone desires to have in a relationship and the class most biology majors dread taking in college.

I was 16 years old when I had my first “official” boyfriend and it was also the first time I learned that great relationships require more than just chemistry. There were three guys who wanted to date me at the time, but I was more afraid of heartbreak than love.

I grew up in church and I remember many of the church mothers saying boys only wanted one thing: sex. I don’t know if they were just trying to shield me from teen pregnancy or if they were speaking from personal experience. In either case, I was careful about dating because I didn’t want boys to crush my heart and innocence!

I was so confused about which I wanted to date. I figured I should go for the one that could be my husband somewhere down the line. That was very premature and rigid thinking. The only problem was I couldn’t see far enough into the future. How was I supposed to know which of these boys would make husband material at age sixteen?

I thought the answer was chemistry. Whichever I felt the most attraction, passion, and “love” for must be the one, right?

In desperate need of advice, I spoke to one of my mentors who I thought had a great marriage.

Me: “I am so confused. I like them all for different reasons and I think I have a lot of chemistry with at least two, but it’s different with each one.”

Mentor: “Listen, girl, don’t be confused and swept away by having chemistry with someone. Do you think you are only going to have chemistry with one person in your lifetime? We are human! You may have “chemistry” with a lot of different people in this world. But, don’t confuse having chemistry in relationships with meaning you are supposed to date that person, much less spend the rest of your life with them. 

A great relationship needs strong organic chemistry, but it must be built on much more than that. A lot of people might want to have a relationship with you throughout your lifetime. Don’t be fooled. Chemistry is biological and emotional. A strong partnership includes real love and true commitment, which is something much deeper than chemistry.”

With that advice in hand, I picked the guy I thought was the best choice for me. Guess what? It lasted six months! He was a certified player. Let’s just say I learned a lot after that and internalized what my mentor said.

Through experience, I understand exactly what true love and commitment are and also what it is not. There is a noticeable difference when you find a relationship that works on more levels than just organic chemistry.

Chemistry in relationships is important, but it is not everything.

There are five different kinds of chemistry: physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual. Sometimes, once you discover you have “chemistry” with another person, you are tempted to jump into a relationship without considering the other factors that make a person a good life partner. It is easy to get excited or desperate (we have all been there) “in love” and allow good “chemistry” to:

  • make you believe the relationship is “meant to be”
  • try to force it because the chemistry “is so strong it must be meant to be.”

Do NOT do the things above simply because you feel you have “good chemistry” with another person.

Good chemistry is lovely and necessary, but it should not translate into anyone staying in a relationship that causes them to compromise their happiness, morals, or character. Choosing a life partner should include thinking about how the person fits into your life, whether you are both confident in your own identity, and how willing you both are to compromise as each individual grows and changes.

So, in terms of “chemistry,” there is NOT room in your heart for everyone you have “chemistry” with. 

Let’s talk about COMPROMISE

Is there room for the both of us to be happy?

Sometimes relationships are not all honeymoon phases and rose petals. If you have experience in any kind of romantic relationship, then you know that hard times can make you question whether there is enough room for both of you to be happy. Even in the best relationships, it will not always be good times. But, a good partner helps us grow.

Sidenote: There is a definitive line between understanding that no relationship is perfect and settling for foolishness. Sometimes that line is very obvious: cases of physical and verbal abuse or clear incompatibility. In other situations, the line is blurry. If you are questioning whether you are in the right relationship, speak honestly and openly with someone you can trust (and who has experience or evidence of success in a relationship). Consider whether it is time to move on, if you can repair or improve the relationship, or if you are manifesting other issues and insecurities.

Creating space in a relationship for both people to feel loved, happy, and safe requires both people to be willing to make that a priority!

Healthy relationships require two whole people. I can say from experience—both personal and observed—it takes two whole individuals to create a great relationship. Both people must actively work on becoming the best version of themselves.

Making “room” in the relationship requires both parties. It looks and sounds something like this: “I lay down some of my baggage to make room to love you more, as you lay down an equal amount of yours to make room for me. Love is about two people deciding to share their love with each other.

It is possible to have a great relationship with great chemistry with someone else who knows how to make room for both of you through healthy compromise. When you find that person, you know exactly how refreshing and awesome it feels! If you haven’t yet, just know that it is possible.

So, in terms of relationships, there IS room for everyone (the two of you) if both people are committed to healthy compromise.

Loving Those Closest To You

by Life Me.

Fact: There are usually not that many people who we really share our complete-self with. Everyday we are so boldly confronted with society’s expectations of how we should behave that we learn to leave the house with a brave face, behave according to the norms set out for us by family, friends, and society, and keep most facts private for the sake of not ruining our image. If you’re a man, you have to project to the world that you are strong, confident, and ambitious. You have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and show women, and other men, that the unbearable “weight” is as light as a feather. If you are a woman, you have to show the world that you too are strong, confident, and ambitious. You are expected to carry the portion of the world that society deems suitable for the “woman,” and in addition, be the nurturer to those men, women, and children around you bearing their own load. Thanks to these demands, after birth we quickly realize that we need to “measure up.”

In all of that chaos, it can be very hard to find trusted people to share the real vulnerable “you” with. That is not to say that the true “you” is too much to handle; it just means that the vulnerable “you” requires delicate care. Since vulnerability requires a high level of trust, trusting that individual comes with the strong sense that they will be there for you – in good times and in bad times. Then again, they understand who you really are and are able to decipher your good intentions much easier than a stranger ever can, right? Exactly. Well, it is also for those same reasons that we are usually more likely to hurt those people closest to us. We believe that if anybody in the world should accept us for who we really are, it should be them; that if you make a mistake and say something the wrong way, or in a manner that is harsher then you would intend, they should be able to decode your feelings. Then again, we spend so much time throughout the day monitoring and creating the world’s view of us that when we come home to our family, friends, and loved ones they should be able to “just get it.”

Well, in the transition between letting down our guard and taking off our armor, it is very easy to hurt those that we love. We wear this massive armor all day, fight to maintain peace and success in our lives, are so tired from facing the world that we become careless in our weariness and may become more apt to make “mistakes” with those we love.

This post is just a simple reminder that the people you love are to be cared for, loved, and cherished just as much (if not more) then strangers. They hold your most vulnerable moments within their heart and for that reason they are to be cherished and loved just as you would love yourself. It is hard at times to give any extra energy to making sure that we don’t hurt our loved ones, especially when we are facing the world all day/week. But, if we are supposed to love our neighbors as our self, how much more should we love those that are closest to us? Just think of it this way, if those closest to you decided to stop loving you it would really be you against the world.

How do you show those closest to you that you love them?

15 Ways to Not Let a Breakup Ruin Your Life

by Life Me.

Breakups are horrible. The heartbreak, the grieving of what once was, having to embrace a new chapter of life, and the constant reminders all feel overwhelming and never-ending when you’re in the middle of it. Well, I’m here to tell you that you do not have to let a breakup ruin your life. You will get through this.

The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone. The feelings are painful and those of us that have experienced heartbreak can relate. It’s true that time heals all wounds (or at least reduces the sensitivity), so your first goal is to take it day by day, start the healing process, and let time work its healing power. 

So many of us have had our experiences with breakups. I can vividly remember those times in my life when I called my friends hysterically crying, barely able to form a full sentence, and gasping for air because my relationship just ended. In most cases, it felt like the end, like life would never be the same without that person.

Despite friends telling me “you will get over this,” it was very hard to envision the days when my heart would not hurt anymore in those moments. The truth is I always got over the pain, and eventually, I stopped crying. The breakup did not ruin my life.

The biggest thing that helped me move on was telling myself that I could not allow one unfavorable moment, experience, or chapter to overshadow the rest of my life. I had to live, get better, and move on. I believed it was crucial to my healing and to allow the next wonderful person to come into my life.

Every day I see people, both young and old, living life paralyzed and emotionally stuck because of a breakup. Some people recover and other people remain emotionally stuck in that pain, which hinders them from having new fulfilling relationships. Your better self needs you to heal.

You probably found this post because you are dealing with a breakup or its aftermath. You probably feel like this breakup is going to ruin your life. Whatever the case may be, just know that this breakup may bend you in all sorts of shapes but it does not have to break you.

Here are some thoughts to help you get over a breakup without losing your mind:

  • Keep building up your self-confidence. You are a beautiful person inside and in due time you will not have trouble finding someone else. If you are unhappy with aspects of yourself or your personality, know that this is a good time to refocus and work on yourself for YOU.
  • You can love them and move on. Understand and accept that loving someone does not mean you are always supposed to be in or stay in a relationship with that person. You can always have a love for them, but want a better relationship for yourself. And, that’s OK.

  • Be grateful for the lesson now. Start accepting the fact that things may not have worked out in the long run. There’s no point in holding on to something that will eventually fail. It will hurt more later, so think “better now than later.”

  • Surrender and trust in time. It’s possible that the relationship may work out someday if both parties have space to grow and mature. Or, this might be the end and it’s time to move on. Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure gives them a new perspective. All you have to do is get there. You may not understand everything about the breakup, but in time it will not hurt as much. So, get some rest (literally and figuratively) and believe that eventually one morning you will be at peace with it.

  • Good chemistry does not equal soulmates. Accept that having “chemistry” with someone does not mean that person is “the one.” Yes, the person who is the one will have good chemistry with you, but everyone you have chemistry with is not the one.

  • Feel it, then release it. Give yourself permission to feel the hurt, but don’t let it consume or paralyze you. Tell yourself you are releasing the pain, even if you have to tell yourself that every single day.

  • Accept non-closure. Don’t obsess about finding a reason why it didn’t work out. You may never know. If you are searching for closure, replace it with a search for the lessons this breakup is trying to teach you.

  • Learn the lessons. Identify those things you ignored or put up with that you should not have and learn from them. All relationships reveal something about you too.

  • Prepare for Second-Guessing. One moment you might feel like you’ve moved on and then boom, you start questioning everything again. Once you’re in that place, all it takes is a random text or call to get you right back in that relationship you probably should not be in. I’m not telling you not to get back into a relationship if both parties have learned and addressed the things that caused the relationship to deteriorate. You get to decide if you want to rekindle the relationship. However, if the reasons were MAJOR, keep it moving forward, not backward. (Sidenote: Also, blaming yourself for playing a major role in the breakup does not mean you have to go back and “make it right” or give it another chance. You live and you learn. Move on).

  • Refocus your life. If there was anything or anyone you neglected while you were with that person, go focus on that. Another option is to focus on something you always wanted to accomplish or a new goal. Whatever you do, try not to just sit around ruminating on what went wrong. An idle mind will find something to occupy it. You can’t get over them if you just sit around thinking about them all day.

  • Ask for help. Depression is a real thing. Some of the pain or broken-heartedness can lead to depression, which is common and induced by chemicals in your body. If you feel that you cannot handle the emotions or are having self-harming thoughts, please reach out for help. Talk to someone you trust or go see a therapist.

  • Envision YOUR new life. Sometimes the hardest thing is imagining the other person being with someone else. Truth is, you may not even want to be with that person anymore, but the thought of them being with someone else makes you feel strange and uneasy. So, instead of thinking about how you can’t imagine them with someone else, start envisioning yourself with someone else. Think about all the lovely memories and experiences you will have someday with that new and amazing partner.

  • Take your time. Don’t be so quick to give away your forever. Sometimes people are in poor relationships that repeatedly end in breakups because they are too eager to date, settle down, and get married. I understand that no one wants to be alone, but the rest of your life is a long time (hopefully). Take your time. Grow. Let your life unfold in the timing meant for your life.

  • Create new memories to replace the old ones. Go to new places and do new things with the people you love. In due time, you will see that your life doesn’t end when you go through a breakup. More importantly, you will start to see that your purpose in life is much more than one relationship with one person.

Remember, you are not alone. Many people have felt like a breakup was going to ruin their life and keep them on an emotional rollercoaster. If you have gone through a breakup or are going through one now, what are some other thoughts that help(ed) you get through it?

A Short Guide to Becoming Whole: An Essential Part of Success

by Life Me.

Sometimes life can feel like it’s a glass filled with holes where happiness, faith, and hope slowly dissolve faster than we can really embrace them. If you live long enough, you will have times when life can leave you feeling incomplete, empty, and lost making it even harder to believe that becoming whole is a reality for you.

So, let’s first start with this: You are capable of experiencing wholeness. Period. And, you don’t need another person to start experiencing it. It’s within you and it is possible for you.

Why should you care about nurturing your wholeness?

Whether you are pursuing a goal, trying to become a better version of yourself, or working to improve your life and relationships, you will quickly discover that it takes physical, emotional, mental, and even spiritual capital. You can get ahead in life as a broken, stressed, depleted version of yourself, but you will not get too far before wholeness starts calling for more attention.

Wholeness simply means to be in unity and harmony within yourself. It’s not about being perfect, having everything you need, and/or having it all figured out. It’s about knowing that you have (and can have) harmony within yourself.

Take a moment now and check-in with yourself: Do you feel a sense of wholeness within you? Have aspects of your life started eating away at your inner peace and balance? Are you in harmony with yourself? If you answered “yes,” then take note of what you are doing to maintain that sense of wholeness and protect it at all costs. If you said “no,” then you have some work to do to start creating space for wholeness within you.

But how? After spending countless hours of my early years assuming that I was incomplete because I didn’t have certain people, relationships, or material things, I started to realize that the journey to wholeness happens internally. It’s really just a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and healing. Once I started to realize that my wholeness already exist within me, I was able to start doing the work to accept it and ultimately accept myself.

Ten Ways You Can Start Finding Wholeness Now

To get you started on your journey, I’ve compiled a list of ten ways you can start entering into harmony with yourself. I hope this saves you some time and emotions. You deserve wholeness; your success in life depends on it. 

  1. Acknowledge areas in your life that leave you feeling incomplete and inadequate.

    This may take some digging and transparency, but it is an important step. Admission and acknowledge is the first step to recover and healing. Being honest about these areas helps us identify where we need to focus more attention to help us move forward.

    Remember, you can lie to everyone around you, but you can’t really lie to yourself. Even if we deny the truth about where we are, we know deep down inside what parts of us are calling for balance and better harmony. Take the time to listen to your soul; it’s always speaking.

  2. Consider the experiences that create feelings of incompleteness in your life.

    Once you acknowledge the areas that need work, go a little deeper and see if you can start the process of understanding where those feelings are coming from. This might surface some painful memories or negative experiences, but you need to do the healing work in order to move forward. Why? So you can take back that piece of yourself and your power that comes from wholeness.

  3. Identify negative behaviors or coping mechanisms that keep you from becoming whole.

    Sometimes we do not notice that we are not whole and need to nurture ourselves because we are so good at telling ourselves that we are fine. It is in the process of true examination that our behaviors can reveal where we are in misalignment.

  4. Consider your self-image.

    In order to become whole, or accept the fact that we are whole beings outside of the validation of others, we must first believe that we are capable and strong enough to become whole. Do you believe that you are worth of wholeness? What lies about yourself do you need to let go? We all have imperfections, but they do not mean we are inadequate; they mean we are human.

  5. Accept your uniqueness.

    It is so important to accept and find inner peace and beauty in the fact that we are created to be different. It’s not worth spending all of your time comparing yourself to other people since your life’s path is uniquely designed for you. Relying on other people to complete us is like trying to complete a puzzle with the wrong puzzle pieces. In the end, you will waste valuable time. The more you come into alignment with yourself is the more equipped you are to walk your unique path. Your journey to wholeness is connected to your success.

  6. Understand your reasons for wanting that relationship.

    I cannot write a post about wholeness and not address the fact that many people think that the only way to truly become whole is to have a significant other that makes them whole. Being whole is important to having healthy and strong relationships with other people, especially relationships with our significant others; however, you are responsible for your personal growth and development.

    Relying on another person to complete you usually results in stress in the relationship. Either someone ends up disappointed or one person gets lost in the other. Relationship math should not be 1/2 a person plus 1/2 a person equals 2 whole people. It should be 1 whole person plus 1 whole person equals a 2 person dynamic duo. This is not the Jerry Maguire “you complete me” goal; it is the “you help me see places where I’m incomplete and support me in becoming better” goal.

  7. Understand that people’s thoughts and actions are not always in your best interest.

    Most of our feelings of inadequacy are a result of what other people have said and/or done to us. Here is what usually happens: someone does or says something, we blame ourselves or internalize it as truth, and then we rehearse that narrative. If we are going go to become whole, we need to challenge and refine our inner dialogue.

  8. Don’t let society make you feel incomplete.

    Now this is a hard one. The images and norms that bombard us everyday can make it difficult to not feel empty or inadequate. I don’t know about you, but some of what other people possess is quite attractive. We have to be careful not to judge ourselves against other people’s standards. Trying not to internalize every thought and image that it is shoved into your face is one important step to entering harmony with ourselves. Whether you have the things you desire or not, wholeness is still within you. 

  9. Maintain your wholeness.

    Arriving at a place where you feel whole does not mean you will feel that way forever. It takes work to maintain harmony and balance. In a house, areas that go untouched accumulate dust and debris. If we don’t make time to check-in with ourselves and do the maintenance work, we will eventually find ourselves in discord with ourselves. Be willing and committed to investing in YOU.

  10. Protect your wholeness.

    This one is short, simple, and probably the hardest step. Protecting your wholeness requires work, energy, attention, and intention. You will be shaken and you will have times when people and things threaten your journey to becoming whole. Persist and fight through it anyway. If you don’t protect your inner harmony, no one else will. Keep the journey sacred and know that it will take you far. 

Hopefully, you found something in this post that will help you take a few strong steps toward becoming whole. When you start finding a sense of inner alignment and completeness, go out and encourage someone else to do the inner work to get there too.

Be patient with yourself and others; we are all looking for a sense of wholeness.

A Letter from Love to You

by Life Me.

Everyday when I go to work, in some way, shape, or form, I see the youth of tomorrow looking, yearning, silently screaming out to feel love, find meaning and purpose, and experience acceptance in this world. As I observe the ways in which they choose to find and experience them, I begin wondering who they will become in the future and what struggles they may experience along that journey. The truth is many adults are in various ways still looking for love and finding their own personal ways to experience it. So, wherever you are on the journey of finding love, meaning, purpose, and acceptance, young or older, here are a few words I wrote from LOVE to YOU:  

I know you’re looking for love and someday, if you have not already, you will find it. Along the way, you will feel the yearning and void for it, but it doesn’t mean you should find and accept just any kind of love.

Love should leave you feeling wanted, accepted, and not judged. Love is patient and kind. Love lifts you up and encourages you to fly. It is quick to overlook your flaws and praise your beauty. Love lasts. And most importantly, love is not supposed to hurt.

True love is free. You should not have to work for it. It is willing given because you are worth the gift of love. Love sees the best in you and stands like a mirror quietly challenging you to see the value and worth that exist inside of you. If you settle for any kind of love, you have virtually settled to see a “less than” side of you. 

People often settle for love that reflects where they are and NOT a love that reflects where and who they want to be. Somehow they think that without love they will never have the chance to experience their dreams. So they get easily distracted by and gravitate towards anything that resembles love and makes them feel accepted. However, until you accept and have the self-confidence to believe that you are capable, worthy, and beautiful enough to be where you dream to be, you will always accept a love that reflects where you FEEL you are instead of a love that resembles what you DREAM to have.

So, I know you will search for love, fall in love, and at times choose love over logic, but remember to choose a love that reflects your true inner worth. You are beautiful, so be beautiful, and only accept beautiful love.

Sincerely, 

LOVE. 

10 Things to Remember When You’re In A Relationship

by Life Me.

Everyone wants to find love. And, everyone wants that love to last. When I was talking with one of my friends the other day, we started talking about how it can be so easy to lose yourself when you’re in a relationship. That should definitely not be the case, but it happens all the time. We can become so consumed with finding and keeping love, that we end up deprioritizing other aspects of ourselves or our life.

Whether you are in a new relationship, single, or in a long-term commitment, here are a few important things to remember to help you keep bringing your best self to any relationship:

Things to keep doing:

  • LOVE YOURSELF. To find and maintain true love and healthy relationships, you must love yourself. When you’re in a relationship, your responses, expectations, attitudes, trust, and confidence comes from how you see and feel about yourself.

  • Keeping Growing. Take personal responsibility to improve the areas you don’t like/love about yourself. It is not the other person’s job to hold your hand along this journey. It would be nice, but it’s not their responsibility to give you the confidence to change YOU. That is an unrealistic and unfair expectation. Don’t look for someone else to repair or accept the flaws you are too resistant or in denial to change.

  • Lose the baggage. This is the one time that losing your luggage is a good thing. Your baggage is your past fears, hurts, and worries. Often, we project that onto other people. It’s important to at least try to limit how much baggage you are bringing on board. Remember, every plane has a weight limit and you want your relationships to soar. So, leave the junk behind if you can.

  • Take responsibility and expect the same. Being in love is not an excuse to accept any and every type of behavior. You have to take ownership of your behavior and expect your partner to take responsibility as well.

  • You need more than chemistry. Having “chemistry” with someone does not mean you should enter into (or stay in) a relationship with that person. You can and will have “chemistry” with many people in your life, so you are going to need a lot more than that to make your relationship last.

  • Validate Yourself. This connects back to taking responsibility for your own growth. It’s important for others to encourage and uplift you; however, it’s also your responsibility to validate and affirm yourself.

Things to Stop Doing:

  • Stop causing harm. When you don’t take care of your baggage, you can start acting out of your fears and use your insecurities as an excuse for irrational behavior.

  • Do not look for someone to complete you. Relationships should not complete you, they should support and sharpen you. There’s a difference. Focus on you becoming whole as YOU and you will inevitably add more value to your relationship.
Remember this when you're in a relationship.

  • Don’t look for someone to fill the voids and holes YOU created in your own life. Are you starting to see a theme here? Taking responsibility is critical to any successful relationship.

  • Don’t enter a relationship to find yourself. Take time to get to know who you are and what you like/love about YOU. You can’t find in others what you can’t first see in yourself. In other words, you can’t find what you don’t know.

Any relationship takes work, but when you work on becoming whole you will inevitably add more value to your relationship. So, don’t forget to keep working on your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. You will be better for everyone around you.

In curious, what advice would you add to this list?