We have all had our fair share of breakups. Right? Well, I can vividly remember those times in my life when I called various friends hysterically crying, barely able to form a tear-free sentence, all while gasping for air on account of a break up. In some cases, it felt like the end – like life would never be the same without that person. Despite friends telling me “you will get over this,” in those moments it was very hard to envision the future. Well, truth be told, I always “got over it,” and they were right when they told me someone better suited eventually comes along.
The key factor that always helped me move on was not allowing one unfavorable moment in my life to overshadow the rest of my life. I always moved on, learned, grew, and allowed the next wonderful person to come into my life… and boy am I glad I did. In one case, the “next wonderful person” was the same wonderful person from before, but we needed time apart to figure out that we really wanted “the one” to be each other. Sometimes relationships don’t work out simply because it is not the right timing, or in other words each person is not on the proverbial “same page.”
In my daily work, I see people – both young and old – living life paralyzed and emotionally bruised because of a breakup. Sometimes they recover and other times it emotionally stunts them from having new fulfilling relationships. In other cases, I observe people never breaking up with a person – that for various reasons they should not be with – simply because they are scared of what life might be like without that person or because they are just scared of being alone. I know many of us can relate to those two scenarios as well. Whatever the case, a breakup may bend you in all sorts of shapes, but it does not have to break you.
Here are some ideas and tips to get over a breakup without losing your mind:
1. Have confidence in yourself. If you are a beautiful person inside, in due time you will not have trouble finding someone else.
2. Understand and accept that loving someone does not mean you are supposed to be in or stay in a relationship with that person.
3. Instead of spending all your time focused on “getting over” that person, focus on accepting that it probably would not have worked out anyway if you stay with that person. Better now than later.
4. Surrender and trust in time. Either it might work out some day if in time both parties grow and mature, or “time” will help you move on (if you allow it to, of course). Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure gives them new perspective. All you have to do is get there. You may not understand everything about the breakup, but in time it will not hurt as much. So go to sleep (figuratively) and know that eventually one morning you will be at peace with it.
5. Accept that having “chemistry” does not mean that person is “the one.”
6. Allow yourself to feel the “hurt,” but don’t let it consume or paralyze you.
7. Don’t obsess about finding a reason why it didn’t work out.
8. Learn the lessons. Identify those things you ignored or put up with that you should not have and learn from it. All relationships reveal something about you too.
9. Prepare for Second-Guessing. One moment you might feel like you’ve moved on and then… BOOM you start questioning everything again. Once you start wavering too much, all it takes is a sweet word, hot body, or random text to get you right back in a relationship that you probably should not be in. If time has passed and you feel that the reasons you broke it off were minor – and they have been resolved within yourself or the other person – than it is up to you to decide if you want to resume/restart the relationship. But, if the reasons were MAJOR, keep it moving forward, not backwards. Remember, loving someone does not mean you have to be in a relationship with them. Also, blaming yourself for playing a major role in the breakup does not mean you have to go back and “make it right” or give it another chance. You live and you learn.
10. Whatever you neglected while you were with that person, go focus on that. Don’t just sit around. An idle mind will find something to occupy it. Therefore, it will usually be filled with thoughts of the other person. If you want to “get over” them, sitting around is one of the worst things you can do.
11. Depression is a real thing. Some of the “pain” or broken-heartedness you feel might be depression which is natural and induced by chemicals in your body. Don’t go killing yourself because you “can’t get over it.” Talk to someone you trust or go see a therapist.
12. Sometimes the hardest thing is imagining the other person being with someone else. Truth is, you may not even want to be with that person anymore but the thought of them being with someone else still makes you feel strange. So instead, think about YOU being with someone else and envision all the lovely memories and experiences you will have someday with someone new and amazing.
13. Don’t be so quick to give away your forever. Sometimes people are in ill-fitted relationships that repeatedly end in breakups because they are too eager to date, settle down, and get married. I understand that no one wants to be alone, but the rest of your life is a long time (hopefully). Take your time. Grow. Let your life unfold in the timing meant for your life.
14. Forgive them. Then, forgive yourself.
15. Create new memories to replace the old ones. Go to new places; do new things with the people you love and in due time you will see that your life doesn’t end when you go through a breakup. More importantly, you will start to see that your purpose in life is much more than one relationship with one person.
If you need advice or just someone to talk to, comment below!