Do and Don’t in Love

Whether love entered your life, left your life, or you are still waiting for love to arrive, everyone wants to find love. So, whether you are in a relationship or not, and in all your chitter-chatter about love, here are some things to keep in mind:

Do love yourself. In order to find and maintain true love and healthy relationships, you must love yourself. Your responses, expectations, attitudes, trust, and confidence generates from your vision of yourself.

Do Grow. Take personal responsibility to be reflective to improve the areas you don’t love about yourself. It is not the other person’s job to hold your hand along this journey; it would be nice, but it’s not their responsibility to give you the confidence to change YOU. That is an unrealistic and unfair expectation.

Don’t look for someone to fill the voids and holes YOU created with other people from your past relationships and/or heal wounds other people gave you or left behind.

Do lose your baggage. This is the one time that losing your luggage is a good thing. If you can’t let it go, or at least limit how much baggage you have, then maybe you need some time to yourself to work that out.

Don’t look for someone else to repair or accept the flaws you are too cowardly to change.

Don’t have the expectation that it is the other person’s job to validate you.

Don’t use your insecurities as an excuse for irrational behavior.

Don’t look for someone to complete you and give you purpose in life.

Don’t expect the other person to make you whole because you allowed other people to take pieces of you when they left. Go get them back (a journey you must take alone) and be whole.

Don’t expect someone to teach you things about yourself or life that you are too lazy to teach yourself.

Do understand that “love is blind” is not an excuse to accept any and every behavior. Even the blind have heightened senses. So, listen with your heart and feel around for pitfalls and inconsistencies.

Do understand that “chemistry” does not mean you should enter (or maintain) a relationship with someone. You will have “chemistry” with many people in your life, so you need to have more than that.

Don’t enter a relationship to find your identity (who you are) and don’t expect to find it there either. You can’t find what you don’t know.

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